A cup of coffee and a heart full of dreams
Welcome to my personal space, where I share my thoughts, experiences, and stories about motherhood, career, and personal growth. Each story here reflects my journey, capturing the colorful moments and lessons I learned along the way. I believe in learning, falling, and getting back up - embracing each experience as part of becoming our best selves through a resilient mindset.
I am raising tiny humans while pursuing my big dreams. Building a life you love isn’t about having it all; it’s about defining what truly matters and embracing it fully.
You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
Margaret Thatcher
Dreams, Detours, and Determination: My Entrepreneurial Awakening
Growing up, I was taught that success depended on one thing: going to school every day to get a job after college. And that’s exactly what I did. I never skipped a day, even when I was sick and had been up all night. Every homework assignment was turned in on time; every test scored high. My parents were proud, but they didn’t show it openly, and I was even the role model for my bigger brother, who had his own struggles with school and daily tasks.
But that drive came with a cost. Even now, the stress of schoolwork, the fear of failing a test, and the worry about not finding a good job still linger. I still have nightmares about showing up late to class or forgetting to turn in my homework. Yet, nothing compared to the day I got the news: I was on the layoff list, along with 250 others. I was crushed. I took it personally and negatively; I cried; Self-doubt hit hard - why me? I considered it my fault – Hadn’t I performed well? Hadn’t my managers just praised my accomplishments? My team and colleagues reached out with support, but I was inconsolable.
Every day, I sent out job applications and prepped for interviews. Some interviews were canceled halfway through, and some ended in silence with no feedback at all. Months went by without an offer, and I started questioning myself: Was it my accent? My background? Was it because I’m Asian; Maybe I didn’t have the skills they were looking for. I felt haunted by a thousand “maybes.”
Then, a close family friend who owned a convenience store approached my husband and me with an idea: due to health issues, she was ready to sell her store. For the first time, I thought about taking a different path. We got excited, brainstorming the possibilities. We presented our interest, and started serious business conversations on financial, legal, and operational details. But deep down, I felt nervous. Could I really do this? Could I walk away from the corporate world, a “safer” choice, especially with children? Did I have what it took to make the tough decisions required to keep a business alive? Every change felt like a risk, especially involving my children’s future, such as moving them to a new place in a different life setting. Beyond the business, I researched school districts, personnel, and academic standards in new locations.
In the past, I had dabbled in entrepreneurial podcasts and books, but nothing truly resonated until I saw this real opportunity in front of me. Suddenly, those lessons came to life. I dived in, learning everything I could about the business. I examined Profit and Loss statements, poured over bank records, and created a business plan. My husband and I met with the business owner regularly, working with a lawyer to establish our LLC and draft the asset purchase agreement. Every step felt surreal.
For three intense months, I researched, made countless calls to agencies, insurance companies, and community banks, and strategized backup plans. I worked with the Small Business Association on loan options. I completed a competitive analysis and a financial analysis. The more I invested in this venture, the more passionate I became. My husband and I were in this together, running on adrenaline, prepared to take this leap. We were nervous but happy, working side-by-side like real business owners. We were all set to sign the purchase agreement.
Then, on the Monday we were supposed to finalize our purchase agreement, we received an email from the owner: another buyer had made a better offer, and she accepted. She hadn’t let us know or even given us a chance to counter offer. My dreams were shattered. It was a massive shock to us. I had prepared for challenges in business but not for this. My full-time focus had been on this store for months, and now I had nothing. I did not know what to do now. I was devastated. I soaked.
This year, 2024, has been a journey I never anticipated. I dreamed, I grew, I faced heartbreak and cried more than I ever expected – all things that never made it onto my New Year’s resolution list. But looking back, I’m grateful. I have incredible family and friends by my side, even at my lowest. Life can be tough. We all have ups and downs. Everyone feels pain in their own way. For me, I want to feel my pain, learn from it, and find my way forward. I know that, despite setbacks, I can face my fears again. I will climb back up.
FEARs: Fortitude – Embrace – Adapt – Rewire My Parenting Journey
What happens when fear is a constant companion in your childhood? For me, it sparked a determination to raise my children differently.
Manage fears: Breaking the Cycle
I was raised not to touch dirt, not be dirty, climb high, or run fast. Growing up in the bustling city of Saigon, there was no space for us to play or explore. Our playground with the neighbor kids was the big street outside our house, with a never-ending barrage of cars. My house had some extra space, so people rented it to park their vehicles or do business. One day, my brother and I climbed into the dump truck parked at our house and discovered a pile of dirt. We started playing with it. It was so fun until my mom called us. We always knew we were not allowed to play with dirt, but for a moment, we didn’t care. We continued to play, ignoring my mom’s yelling from inside the house. The fun stopped quickly when she appeared with a stick in her hand; she dragged us inside and started spanking us hard on our legs. That scene has stuck with me ever since. My mom hated us being dirty. There were other times that my mom seemed like an adversary – She screamed at the top of her lungs when we lit a candle to cook rice in a can; she made me pick every grain of spilled rice off the floor and eat it. She'd hit my hand if I touched the food with my fingers. She was strict. Her strict discipline shaped my childhood and sparked a rebellious streak in me.
Finding My Independence
As early as I can remember, I started doing things counter my mom’s rules. If she said I couldn’t, I’d make it a point to show her that “YES, I CAN.” I also always had good grades in school, independent of help. So, my parents didn’t care too much as long as I kept my grades up. For other things, their yelling went in one ear and out to the other. My mom never gave us an allowance. As her children, everything we did was expected as we lived in her house, and it had to be done without complaints. In junior high, I began grocery shopping for my family. That was a chore, not a choice! However, I saw it as an opportunity. My mom gave me a certain amount, not a generous one. So how could I make money from this? I started bargaining at the market. I saved a few bucks by buying cheap, bargaining for a cheaper price, and pocketing the change – a secret I never shared with my mom. She rarely bought us new clothes, including undergarments, until I realized I needed them. Seeing other girls in my class with beautiful clothes and fancy accessories made me sad. With my savings, I bought my own clothes. In the early years of college, when I could take the bus (my dad picked me up and dropped me off every single day from kindergarten through K12), I had more freedom and tried to find ways to make money. Despite my parents’ famous last words, “Just focus on school; we will BUY you everything,” my mom’s stinginess meant I never had anything for myself. I took on odd jobs like delivering flyers, proctoring exams, and working at supermarkets after school and during busy seasons. These experiences gave me a taste of financial freedom and taught me the value of hard work—something my parents hadn’t expected me to figure out on my own. Oh, one more interesting fact about my mom: After graduation from college, I got my first job as a purchasing agent and my dear mom asked me to give her the first month of my paycheck for a reason she has raised me to this day. I had to pay her back. Yikes!
Overcoming Fear
Reflecting on my upbringing, I realize it instilled more than just discipline—it left me with a host of fears. I feared failing at school, having a heavy homework load, low grades, disappointing my parents, and not meeting expectations. But I didn’t let those fears define me. Instead, I always tried my best to change my mindset, work through challenges, and create a better life for myself. I love my parents now. Despite their strictness, I know they wanted the best for me. However, I wouldn’t say I liked their way of nurturing us.
Everything changed when I became a mom. I promised myself that I wouldn’t raise my children the way I was raised. I want my kids to feel free to explore, make mistakes, and express themselves without fear of punishment or rejection. I don’t want my kids to hide things from me or steal because I don’t give them a penny to spend. Instead, I teach them to spend wisely. I don’t punish them for playing with sand; I encourage it. I listen to them. I want them to come to me with their problems without fear of yelling or judgment. I don’t want to scare them away from their parents.
Parenting with Fortitude
Now, I let my children play with sand, chase bugs, and even hold snakes if they’re curious. I encourage them to think for themselves, speak their minds, and embrace their individuality. But this freedom doesn't mean they can do whatever they want without consequences. Instead, I focus on teaching them the value of making choices and understanding the outcomes of those choices.
When my children make a poor choice, I don't rush to punish them. Instead, I see it as an opportunity for learning and growth. We sit down and discuss what happened, why it wasn’t the best choice, and what they can do differently next time. This way, they learn to take responsibility for their actions and make better future choices. This approach helps them grow into responsible individuals and prepares them for professional life later.
By nature, kids love to experiment. If we do A, B will happen—it’s the foundation of scientific discovery. So, why not let them experiment with small decisions now? By testing and learning from their own findings, they gain the confidence and curiosity they’ll need for bigger challenges later. This approach equips them with resilience and wisdom, preparing them to navigate their paths with independence and clarity.
Above all, my goal is to be a safe space for my children—someone they can turn to without fear of judgment or punishment. I want them to grow up fearless, confident, and unburdened by the anxieties I experienced as a child.
I’m not a perfect mom, but I strive to be the best mom for my kids. By breaking the cycle of fear and control, I hope to give them the freedom to be their wild, wonderful selves—bold, creative, and true to who they are!
How do you break free from the parenting patterns of the past to raise confident and fearless kids?
